So you got dumped and you’re looking for advice on how to get over your ex girlfriend?
There’s probably a part of you that feels shocked and confused right now. You might still be wondering what happened. Maybe you’ve already tried to figure out why she broke up with you but all she said was vague stuff about how she needs some “space” and how she just wants to be by herself right now.
And I’m sure you felt a really strong urge to try to get her back when she first broke the news to you. As guys, we usually try really hard to talk her out of it. We promise to change, we apologize, we explain, we rationalize, we justify, we beg, we plead, we cry… and the list can go on and on.
The truth is, we’ll do just about ANYTHING we can to try to change the situation.
What Most Guys Forget When
Trying to Get Over an Ex Girlfriend
You CANNOT Convince a Woman to FEEL Differently with “Logic” and “Reasoning”
Emotions Do NOT Operate Under the Laws of Logic!
That means there’s no way for you to override what she’s feeling with logic and reasoning. It’s like putting foreign currency into a vending machine and expecting your drink to come out. It won’t work.
So why do we act like we can change her mind if we just find the right thing to say?
Because we forget that women are EMOTIONAL creatures.
When our girlfriend tells us that she wants to break up with us, we almost always demand an explanation. We feel a very strong urge to figure out her “reason” for leaving. We tend to think that if we can just manage to understand why she’s breaking up with us, we can convince her to stay. As if it’s just some little misunderstanding that we can clear up and then everything will be okay. Well unfortunately that’s not how it works.
What You Need to Realize if You Truly
Want to Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend
If she felt strongly enough to actually want to end the relationship, it’s probably not just because of a couple fights or disagreements you guys had. It’s probably something serious, and most likely, one of the bigger problems in your relationship. Unfortunately, the big problems aren’t something that you could just explain away in a conversation.
However, we often don’t realize this and get too caught up trying to explain and defend ourselves. When she tells us her reason for leaving, we argue against it as if we can somehow disprove it. Now I know it’s tempting to think that you can just logically combat her reasons until she decides not to leave, but unfortunately, it rarely works that way.
Even if you manage to explain your way out of the original reason she gave you, she’ll quickly find another one. That’s because her reason for breaking up with you isn’t just one thing, it’s usually anaccumulation of reasons that she can’t express very well.
In fact, even calling it an accumulation of reasons is actually a misnomer because she’s notbreaking up with you for any particular reason… she’s breaking up with you based on an EMOTION. In other words, she feels differently about you and that’s what’s making her want to leave.
Why Her Reason for Leaving Doesn’t Make Sense
Because her decision to break up with you is an EMOTIONAL decision, the LOGICAL reasons she gives you won’t make all that much sense. In fact, they may even contradict themselves. She might say things like, “I wasn’t really looking for a relationship” or “I just want to be by myself right now”
Often times, the reasons that women give us don’t make sense and we spend weeks and months, reading into what she said and trying to figure out her real reason for leaving.
This was probably the biggest challenges I had when I was trying to get over her. I spent so many nights playing “connect the dots” in my head trying to figure out why she broke up with me.
I thought that if I could just figure out her reason, I could convince her to take me back by acknowledging my mistakes and providing a flawless explanation that demonstrated my understanding of the problem, followed by an apology and a sincere promise that things
will be different.
And although it actually did help me get her back a couple times, it never really lasted. We’d patch things up and everything would be great for a while but after 2-3 weeks, some little thing would come up again and then we were back on the verge of breaking up all over again.
And there I was, demanding another explanation, wanting to know her reason for breaking up with me. However, what I failed to realize is that every reason she gave me was just a symptom of the REAL problem.
What I Learned about Getting Over an Ex Girlfriend
She could stand there and point out each individual manifestation of the core issue and I could keep trying to remedy all the “symptoms” but it wouldn’t really make a difference in the long run because I wasn’t tackling the ROOT of the problem.
In fact, I didn’t even realize there was a “root” problem. I was convinced that the problems in our relationship were all of these little symptoms that she was describing. I thought that if I could just manage to resolve all the things she mentioned, everything would be okay.
But unfortunately, that was not the case. I could keep trying to treat each individual symptom but it wouldn’t make a difference unless I eliminated the root problem that was causing all of these symptoms to arise.
It’s kind of like trying to revive a dead tree by cutting off all the dead leaves. But cutting off the dead leaves isn’t going to make the new one’s grow healthy, it’s just going to cover up the fact the fact that the tree is dead. If you really want to revive it, you have to go to the root and fix it.
Well, this applies to relationships too. But a lot of the times, we don’t realize there’s actually a “root” problem behind all of the little problems. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying…
“Hindsight is 20/20”
Well, it’s often tough to see things as they really are without the clarity of hindsight.
You have to step back and create some distance between yourself and the situation in order to see things clearly. If you don’t, you’ll be too “caught up in the storm” to see past all the chaos and really get the big picture. There’s another great quote that says…
“Life can only be understood backwards;
but it must be lived forwards.”
– Soren Kierkegaard
That’s the maddening irony of the situation. You have to learn to be okay with the lack of clarity for now and trust that as you begin to move on with your life, the reason for why it happened will begin to reveal itself to you. I know just how difficult this is from my own experience so I can definitely say that it’s MUCH easier said than done. However, as time passes, things will become much clearer.
The 3 Keys to Getting Over Your Ex Girlfriend
1. Stop thinking about your ex and trying to figure out her “reason” for leaving.
2. Realize that you can’t get over your ex-girlfriend and move on with your life
if you keep living in the past.
3. Remind yourself that everything happens for a reason and trust that the reason
for why it happened will reveal itself to you over time.