How to Get Over Heartbreak – The 5 Stages of Heartbreak (And How to Deal With Them)

• David Hancock June 19, 2014, 9:26 am

  Hi Kevin

  I can’t find the page with the sections on it as I wanted to post my letter of closure…….so since I really want to thank you for all your youthful wisdom I thought I would post it here….yes it’s sad to think I got this far in my life without learning how not to hurt the people I love but at least I am on the road now and you have helped enormously….so thanks….

  Dear………….

  Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts about our relationship. When I heard today your pain at all the childish bullshit, abuse, anger, recriminations, impatience, lack of listening ability, conflict, moods and denial on my part…….I began to understand how you were feeling deep down all this time. (I know it’s only “began” because in truth I can’t really imagine what it is like to live with.) And as you stated it has been going for a long time and you soldiered on, I guess in hope that there may be some change, that I might grow better. I’m truly sorry it never happened. I was aware of my behaviour but despite all my best hopes I was unable to catch myself at those vital moments. I just couldn’t grab that sanity. I thought I was getting better but it must have been denial too!

  I felt despondent and like a real failure today because in truth I now realise that at 60 years old I haven’t been able to offer true support and love to either of the most important people (women) in my life. I haven’t learnt the real capacity to truly listen! It feels like I have only caused grief and pain to the most crucial people who have ever shared my life and even as I write these words it’s hard for me to truly imagine that pain, that feeling of “walking on egg-shells” I know you have suffered.

  I have learnt so much from you, your courage, drive and energy. Your sparkling good will and generosity of spirit, laughter and perseverance in all types of situations have been a joy for me to behold. I know I am not alone in that admiration, you are surrounded by good friends who love you because of those amazing traits too. They will serve you well in this difficult time. You have been an amazing gift and jewell in my life and yet somehow I have fucked our communication so badly that you never really understood that this was how I felt in my heart.

  Those early days were so special for me, the freedom, the love and the sense of adventure you embraced and your warmth and sensuality blew me away. You were also so kind and loving in your treatment of me, lavished me with gifts and made me feel proud of myself in ways that I never had before. That was so sweet and I hope that in some way I have left you with a little of that too.

  I guess mostly from you I learnt “can do”….nothing was impossible for you and that’s an amazing attribute sister.

  There have been times when you have wounded me or the “child-me” deeply and I have not been man enough to take it on the chin or “let it roll through to the keeper”!

  Overall I think I am a stronger, fitter and better man than when I met you, that I have not grown-up is my greatest regret. I know you are going to go and have a great life and again travel will help heal the wounds. Since it is inevitable that we must continue to see one another I am going to do my utmost to limit conflict, pain and abuse. I have already reeked enough damage and I really wish you wellness and happiness wherever life’s adventures may take you.

  Love you always David

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