Figuring out how to heal a broken heart is a very hard and painful process but these 5 tips will help you on the journey to healing a broken heart.
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Step 1: Accept that the Relationship is Over
Healing a broken heart is a process and the first step of that process is accepting that the relationship is really over. Until you do this, you are essentially denying the reality of the situation. And you can’t truly move on with your life if you’re living in denial.
The reason it’s so tempting to live in denial is because we don’t want to admit to ourselves that the relationship is really over. The thought of losing the person we love and living our lives without them is too painful. Instead, we want to cling to the hope of being able to work things out and get back together. However, in most cases, this is simply not possible because you guys broke up for a reason. And if you think those reasons are not going to be there if you guys get back together then you are only fooling yourself.
Step 2: Remember Why It Ended
People will go to any length to avoid pain and yet it’s a well-known fact that losing the person you love is a very painful experience. So why would someone inflict this pain on both you and themselves if it’s human nature to avoid pain at all costs?
It’s because the pain of being in the relationship to them was far greater than the pain of losing the relationship. In other words, the relationship was no longer a source of joy and happiness for them. It was a source of frustration and disappointment and they felt unfulfilled. They were far more focused on the pain that being with you was causing them rather than the joy. This is what gave them the strength and courage to overcome the pain of losing you.
Well, if you want to get over your ex and move on with your life then you ought to do the same thing. Focus on all the bad things about the relationship. Concentrate on the things that made you unhappy. Recall the reasons why you broke up. This will give you a much more accurate and realistic picture of your relationship and remind you of why things ended. After a break up, it’s tempting to idealize our ex and act like the relationship was much better than it really was. If that was truly the case, then it wouldn’t be ending. Take off the rose-colored glasses and see it for what it really is.
Step 3: Heal Your Broken Heart by Grieving the Loss
You will certainly feel a variety of emotions after a break up, such as anger, loneliness, sadness, fear, jealousy, shame, humiliation, depression and despair. These feelings can also surface physically, like crying or feeling a pain in your chest as if your heart is breaking.
Not only are these “negative” emotions considered healthy, but they are also very important for you to feel in order to remain healthy. I know it may not seem like that right now because they’re making you miserable but allowing yourself time to grieve is an important part of healing a broken heart.
So give yourself the permission to feel all these emotions and work through them as they come up. Repressing your emotions and burying your feelings may make it easier to cope with a break up day to day, but it will only make the feelings worse when they do eventually come back up. Now don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to walk around wearing your heart on your sleeve all the time. It’s okay to sweep your feelings under the rug for a short period of time in order to get through the work day but be sure to revisit them frequently so that you can work through them and eventually let them go.
Step 4: Reflect on The Past
You will know when you’re ready to reflect on the situation logically. In the early weeks, even the thought of your ex may send you into fits of sobs. But as time moves along, you will find yourself naturally contemplating the entire situation with logic rather than emotion. At this point, you are ready to see things a lot more clearly, especially with the help of hindsight.
Now is the time to determine what you learned from the relationship. No matter how good or bad the relationship was, and no matter how it ended, you have surely learned some valuable life lessons. There are always gifts that come with any relationship. It might be some realization that you had about yourself, what you want or what you don’t want in your life. Think about how this relationship made you a stronger and better person. Assessing the good and bad and determining what you learned is absolutely essential in order to grow as a person and move on with your life.
The goal here is to turn your wounds into wisdom.
Remember, your wounds can make you bitter or your wounds can make you better.
The choice is yours.
Step 5: Heal Your Broken Heart By Learning to Love Yourself Fully
After a breakup, we often start scrutinizing every aspect of ourselves. Were you not pretty enough? Not funny enough? Not exciting enough? The truth is that you were “enough” in every aspect, but getting this through your head after a breakup is like fighting an uphill battle. That’s because we usually feel like we were somehow responsible for the break up. We like to think that if we had only been more ____, then they wouldn’t have left us.
All I can say to that is that nothing your ex ever said or did is entirely about you. It’s simply a reflection of who they are, where they’re at in their life and what they value. Even if your ex blames you for everything that happened in the relationship, remember that it’s only one side of the story. It takes two to tango and your ex is just another human being with their own imperfections and shortcomings. They have their own set of issues to deal with, as do you. So keep that in mind before putting all the blame on yourself.
Let go of your feelings of lack and realize that you are not any less worthy, whole and complete as a person just because things didn’t work out with this particular partner. Remember that they are just one person. I know they were probably the most important person but they are, after all, just one person. The fact is two may have simply not been a good match for one another. I know it may have felt like they were “the one” when you guys first met but your true compatibility can only reveal itself over time. Unfortunately, the beginning of a relationship is often not the best indicator of what being in a relationship with that person is really like.
Remember this the next time you blame yourself for what happened. Realize that there’s no way you could have foreseen any of these things in advance because a person’s true character is only revealed over time. Yes, I know it hurts to face the fact that what you had is not what you thought it was but what can you do now? Dust it off and move on. Don’t let one incompatible partner get you all down about yourself. There’s plenty of people out there that will love you and appreciate you for who you are. Acknowledge all your positive qualities and go out there and give people the gift of you!
BTW: if this video helps you see things in a new light, please leave me a comment and let me know.
I always love hearing from you and reading stories about how this information is impacting you.
Kevin “The Breakup Doctor”