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How To Deal With a Breakup – 3 Tips for Dealing With a Break Up

As I’m sure you already know, figuring out how to deal with a break up is hard. In fact, many people say that a break up is one of the worst pains you can ever experience in life, aside from the death of a loved one.  But no matter how difficult your situation may seem right now, I’m going to share 3 tips for how to get over a break up.

3 Simple Tips for How To Deal With a Break Up

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1.) Distance yourself from your ex

If you want to get rid of the pain you’re feeling right now then it’s absolutely essential that you distance yourself from your ex immediately. You have to give yourself the space to heal. You cannot truly heal and get over what happened if your ex is still in your life.

In fact, by keeping in contact with your ex, you’re actually dragging out the pain even longer and making things worse. So stop torturing yourself and make a commitment not to contact your ex at all for the next 30 days. I recommend doing this longer but a month is a really good starting point.

2.) Find someone you can talk to that can help you deal with the break up

After a break up we tend to feel very lonely. Not just because we lost the love of our life but because we feel like we’re all alone and no one understands us. We often withdraw and isolate and end up spending a lot of time alone. I know I did. But there’s something else I did that really helped me deal with the break up, which was talking to people about what happened.

The reason this is so important is because it helps you deal with that feeling of loneliness after a break up. It allows you to reach out and connect with people. It reminds you that you’re not alone. And even more importantly, it reminds you that there are people in your life that care about you.

3.) Start exercising to help you deal with the break up

Exercising is definitely one of the quickest ways to get of your funk. When you exercise, your brain release endorphins and you end up feeling really good. It totally changes your mood. It’s like hitting a “reset” button. It’s also really good for stress relief and can definitely help you take your mind off your ex. This is a much healthier alternative to what most people do when trying to deal with a break up: drinking, smoking, and overeating.

So what I would suggest you do is to start working out regularly, at least 3-5 times a week. If you’re already exercising, take it up a notch so you can burn off all the additional stress that got built up after the break up. If you’re not already exercising, get in the habit of doing it. You already know it’s good for you so I’m not going to go on and on about the benefits of exercise but let me just say one thing: exercise has been scientifically proven to help deal with stress.

So if you’re not already doing it, overcome whatever initial resistance you may have to doing it and just do it. After a couple workouts, you’ll start to build some momentum and you’ll get in the habit of doing it. Once it becomes a habit, it becomes a lot easier to keep up. Set aside specific days and schedule a visit to the gym at a specific time. Make that time the same every week so you don’t have that convenient “I’ve got a lot to do today” excuse.

Dealing with a break up is definitely not easy but following the 3 simple tips that I’ve shared here will definitely help you deal with the break up. Please don’t be fooled by the simplicity of what I shared. Yes, these tips are very simple but they work. They’ve helped me deal with the pain after every break up I’ve had and I guarantee that they will help you too, all you have to do is do them.

How to Get Over Her – 3 Tips to Get Over Her FAST

If you just got dumped and are looking for advice on how to get over heryou first need to learn about the #1 biggest mistake that most guys make after a break up that actually prevents them from moving on with their life.

After a relationship ends, most guys feel a really strong urge to get their ex back. In fact, most of them try really hard to get her back.

Have you ever seen one of those movies where the girl finally decides to take the guy back after he does something to show her how much he loves her?

I hate to break the bad news… but those are just happy Hollywood endings!

Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t realize that and they follow in their footsteps thinking they’ll be able to get her back by showing her how much they love her. They’ll call and text her over and over again to try to figure out her “reason” for leaving. They promise to change and they beg for another chance.

Every guy has their own way of doing it. Some write their ex really long emails, others write them letters and love songs. Some guys even send them flowers and gifts.

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The reason we do is because we think that if our ex only knew just how much we love her, she wouldn’t leave. Well, the thing you have to remember is that she’s not unconvinced of your love. That’s really not the issue here.

She knows that you love her, she knows that you care about her, and she’s choosing to leave you anyways. Now I know that probably sounds a little harsh but people almost never leave just because they’re not feeling “loved enough”

The hard truth is that not only can she live without you
…but she’d rather live without you.

So How Do I Get Over Her?

If your girlfriend left you, you have to realize that trying to get her back is a waste of your time. In fact, it’s actually counterproductive and will make it HARDER for you to get over your ex girlfriend

Not only does it waste your time and energy, and ultimately fail to change her mind, but it also makes it very hard for you to change yours.

See, the more you spill your heart to her and tell her how much you love her; the more you start to believe that you need her in order to be happy.

With every creative expression of your undying love, the loss becomes more and more devastating. What you’re basically doing is exaggerating how much you love her and how important she is to you, which is only going to make it harder for you to get over her.

If that’s not bad enough, pouring your heart out to her and being totally vulnerable will leave you feeling even MORE heartbroken once you realize that it didn’t have any effect on her whatsoever.

Now don’t get me wrong, she may empathize with you and truly appreciate your sincerity but it won’t actually change anything. Once a woman has decided to leave; trying to get her back by pouring your heart out to her will only make you feel WORSE.

It will simply reaffirm the fact that she doesn’t feel the same way about you.

The pain of rejection is going to sting really bad and it’s going to be really hard for you to accept. So please save yourself the pain and all the humiliation while you’re still ahead.

It’s best to just let go now and move on with your life with dignity. Otherwise, you’re going to look back on this a few months later and you’re going to feel embarrassed that you acted so desperate.

3 Tips for Getting Over Her…

1.  Stop doing things to try to get her back!

2.  Realize that you can’t “get over her” and “try to get her back” at the same time.

3.  Accept that getting over her doesn’t start until you stop trying to get her back.

So do yourself a favor and let go so that you can actually move on with your life and get over her!

How to Survive a Break Up – 3 Tips on How to Handle a Break Up The Right Way

Looking for advice on how to survive a break up? I don’t blame you. Getting over a break up is not easy. The severity of the break up depends on a variety of factories: how close you were with your ex, how long you were together, and how committed and invested you were to the relationship. Although the difficulty involved in getting over a break up differs for every person, most people
tend to have a very difficult time dealing with a break up.

3 Tips on How to Survive a Break Up

how-to-survive-a-break-up1.) Handle the Break Up Right by Getting Closure

One of the biggest reasons that so many people have such a hard time coping with a break up is because it’s really hard to get the closure you need. Your ex owes you the truthful reasons for breaking up with you. If you poke at them enough for it, they tend to eventually give in. If they simply don’t love you any more, that is enough reason for you to be apart from them. Take it as well as you possibly can and move on. Do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t value you for the amazing person you are? You deserve better, so move forward and keep looking for the right one!

2.) Finalize the Break Up By Cutting Contact

This is one of the most crucial parts of a break up, yet one of the hardest. It is common to chase a recent ex up with phone calls, text messages, e-mails, Facebook messages, etc. Honestly, it will drive you mad. You will very rarely hear what you want to hear. It will also make you seem desperate and needy, which will put them off you completely. At this point, your ex will know you want him/her back, which puts them in complete control. Take some control back by simply cutting communication for good.

If you want to know how to handle a break up the right way then you should avoid face-to-face contact with your ex at all costs. That means avoiding their usual hangouts and friends. Perhaps this is tough if you see your ex at work or don’t live in a big enough town to avoid them completely all the time. If that’s the case, don’t do much more than say hello if you see them. Even if you have friends that are friends with your ex, avoid those friends for a little while. Make it clear to them that it’s nothing personal to them and that you just need the time away from possible contact with your ex in order to move on with your life.

3.) Forget about the Break Up and Focus on Yourself!

Many people are clueless about how to handle a break up. One of the best ways to deal with a break up is to start focusing on yourself! Remember that life is beautiful, with or without your ex. Focus on your hobbies, friendships, work, and who knows.. maybe you will eventually meet a special someone that is right for you. The latter shouldn’t be rushed of course, but just get back to your life and enjoy it to the fullest. Look after yourself and let yourself feel happy.

If you really focus on the things I mentioned in this article, I promise you will make it. Remember that you can be happy and enjoy life without your ex. If you were fine before that partner came into your life, then you will be fine once again. It may not be easy in the beginning but you will get through it and get better. I promise.

How to Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend – The #1 Thing that Keeps Guys from Getting Over an Ex Girlfriend

One of the things that helped me come to terms with the break up was repeating the following affirmation out loud to myself  anytime I thought about the possibility of getting back together.

It’s over and she’s not coming back.
Not now and not sometime in the future.

Her chapter in your life is done and now it’s time for you to let go and move on.

Did you have any insights after watching the video? Share your thoughts below!

How To Cope With A Breakup – 3 Ways of Coping With A Breakup

Figuring out how to cope with a break up is hard. Broken hearts and slashed dreams aren’t what we sign up for when we get into a relationship. However, that’s what often happens. But regardless of how horrible your break up may be, there are ways to cope with a breakup and make things better.

3 Tips on How To Cope with a Break Up

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1.) Kick Your Ex Off The Pedestal

We often glamorize the positive traits of our ex while downplaying our own positive qualities. This is one of the worst things you can do after a break up. Instead, do the exact opposite. Think of all of the negatives you saw in your ex and all the positive things you have to offer. Accept that for whatever reason, the relationship simply wasn’t meant to be and realize that you have a lot to offer to someone who is looking for someone like you.

2.) Reconnect with the People Who Matter to Help You Cope with the Break Up

When people are in a relationship, they often neglect the people closest to them in order to spend time with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Their friends and family usually take a backseat to their beloved, with whom they spend almost all of their time with. Well now that you are single, it’s a good time to focus on those relationships once again!

Talk to your family, hang out with your friends, do something you’ve always wanted to do. Take a vacation, take up a new sport, engage in a fun new activity, etc. The important thing here is to focus on your future and what you do have, instead of getting stuck in the habit of thinking about the past and what you’re going to miss.

3.) Start Dating Again!

One of the most obvious, but also one of the most effective strategies for getting over a break up is to start dating again. No matter what you think, there are people out there who would actually love to meet you. Now you don’t have to jump back into the dating scene right away. It’s important to take some time for yourself to truly grieve the loss and come to terms with what happened. This is normal. However, it’s important not to stay stuck in this phase for too long.

Start meeting new people through friends, work school, social activities, bars, clubs, or online dating websites. The point is to start dating again. By jumping back in the dating scene, you’ll start socializing and having fun again. Plus you’ll find people who are eager to meet with you and like you for who you are. In fact, you may just end up meeting your soulmate! You never know until you try, right? Worst comes to worst, you’ll make a couple a new friends. What do you got to lose?

Now don’t get me wrong, figuring out how to deal with a break up is not going to be easy. However, if you follow these 3 simple steps I promise that you will get over your ex A LOT faster.

How to Get Over an Ex Girlfriend – 7 Reasons Why You CAN’T Be Friends after a Break Up

As you might already know, it’s not uncommon for your ex to say that you guys can still be “friends” when they’re breaking up with you. It’s almost like giving you the option of staying friends is an obligation that they feel they owe you so they can feel like they were considerate of your feelings.

But if they were really considerate of your feelings… they wouldn’t be friends with you. See, a lot of times we think that staying friends will make the break up easier on us because then we can slowly fade out of each other’s lives and still have them around for support when we need it.

But in reality, staying friends after a break up only makes things worse. In fact, it’s probably one of the biggest mistakes that I see guys make after a break up, aside from trying to get their ex back. And ironically, it’s usually just their desire to get her back disguised as wanting to be friends.

At first, they fight feverishly to try to get her back and when that doesn’t work, they settle for friendship and decide to stick around as a friend, hoping that one day things will change. While many may think this approach is clever and coy, women can usually tell when you’re secretly yearning for something more. But if you’re really serious about being friends with your ex, ask yourself this:

Are You Really Prepared to Be Treated Like a Friend?

What a lot of people tend forget is that if you try to stay friends with your ex…

Reason #1 = She’ll Start Treating You Differently & Force You into the Role of a Friend

When the break up is still fresh, there’s going to be a part of you that’s expecting her to act the same way towards you. And when she doesn’t, you’re going to get upset that she doesn’t feel the same way anymore. The reason for this is because the part of you that’s seen her as your girlfriend all this time doesn’t really care about this new title change. So when you’re hanging out with her, there’s going to be an inner battle going on inside of you between the part of you that’s pretending that it’s cool be friends and the part of you that still loves her and cares about her.

Reason #2 = You’ll Have to Constantly Push Down & Suppress Your Feelings Around Her

When you guys are talking or hanging out, she’s probably going to do something that reminds of you of why you liked her in the first place; whether it’s her little ways of talking or a thing she gets about you that nobody else does. But before you have the time to enjoy it, it’ll be replaced by the feeling of frustration that she’s no longer yours.

Reason #3 = Seeing Her But Not Having Her is Going to Hurt

Being around her as a friend is only going to reinforce the painful fact that she doesn’t see you the same way anymore. You’re going to be living with the constant reminder that certain things are now “off limits.” You won’t be able to say or do anything remotely sexual with her and you can’t be affectionate or do any of the other things you guys used to do when you were together.

You’re going to want to hang out with her and do things together like you used to but she’s going to be trying to create space for new things in her life and dedicating more of her time to her friends, family, dating, and yes… other guys. At some point, you’re going to ask her to hang out and she’s going to turn you down. Whether you admit it or not, when she starts passing you up to do other stuff… IT WILL BOTHER YOU! You can pretend that it’s cool and try to play it off like it’s no big deal but she’s going to sense that you’re getting emotional about it and it’ll make things weird.

Reason #4 You’re Going to Be Really Sensitive to Any Talk of “Other Guys”

You might already know what I’m talking about here. You and your ex are talking one day and she starts telling you a story that involves a “friend.” Might be something simple like how she was out with some friends this weekend and so and so happened. She might leave out the details, but in the back of your mind, you’re going to be wondering if any of those “friends” are guys and whether she’s seeing any of them. Now, you’re probably not going to ask her any of this stuff directly but you’re probably going to be trying to figure it out indirectly. There’s a part of you that’s going to be really tempted to “probe” a little more to try to get some more details to satisfy your curiosity. And if that’s not enough to make the friendship really weird…

Reason #5 = You’ll Be Saying & Doing Things to Try to “Get Her Back”

When you guys broke up, your ex probably gave you some reason for why she was leaving. Well, when you guys are together, you’re going to be tempted to try to show her that things are different now. you’re going to find yourself saying and doing things to try to prove that you’ve changed and that you got your act together. Now, I don’t blame guys for doing this, there’s something really appealing about “redeeming” yourself in the eyes of the girl you love. The only problem is, that’s not how people act around their friends and she’s going to sense that something’s a little “off”

She may not say anything about it and she may not even acknowledge it herself but she will FEEL you wanting her approval. If there’s anything I’ve learned over the past few years of studying this whole area of dating and relationships – it’s that girls are far more sensitive to these kinds of subtle dynamics than guys. She will FEEL you being dependant on what she says or does. She will FEEL you reacting to her when she pushes your button. She is going to sense that you still haven’t really let go and moved on.

Reason #6 = You’ll Be Tempted to Misinterpret Her

When you guys are hanging out or talking, there’s going to be a point where the relationship comes up and she tells you that she misses something about you. This is perfectly normal because the reality is, there’s still a part of her that cares about you, even if she’s the one that left. But the problem is, you’re going to misconstrue what she says and interpret it as a sign that she wants to get back together with you… sort of like wishful thinking.

The truth is that she may still love you and have some feelings for you but she doesn’t feel any of those things enough to actually want to be with you. Sure, she might think about you from time to time and feel some nostalgia about how things used to be but there’s also a big list of bad things that have been building up in her mind over a long time, which caused her to break up with you in the first place. So despite what she might say here and there, her reasons for leaving you are still in her head and she’s probably reminding herself of what they are in order to prevent her emotions from getting the best of her.

Reason #7 = You’ll Spend a lot of Time Wondering How She Feels about You

You’ll constantly be reading into every little thing that happens and analyzing what she said so you can try to make sense of what’s going on. Every now and then, the “relationship talk” may come up and you might get an inkling of hope that there’s a chance for you guys to get back together. But eventually, you’re going to realize that you just got your own hopes, which is only going to make
you feel even more frustrated and disappointed when you see that nothing changed.

All of these things are going to add up over time and really start to take a toll on your life. After a while, 1 of 2 things will happen.

Scenario 1: You won’t be able to conceal the fact that you’re still in love with her and she’ll have to cut off contact with you because it’s making things too weird and complicated.

Scenario 2: You’re confronted with the fact that she doesn’t want to be with you over and over again and you finally start to realize that you’re just wasting your time. Eventually, you decide to cut off all contact with your ex because it’s just too hard to be in love with someone who’s clearly moved on.

In both cases, things gets stressed to the point where a normal friendship just isn’t possible and you realize that all the time you spent “trying to be friends” actually made the pain even worse and just ate away at all the time you could’ve spent getting over your ex.

So if staying friends usually does much more harm than good…

Why Do We Feel Such a Strong Urge to Stay Friends?

1) Part of the reason is because we often feel like what we had is too special to just throw away
and we feel like we have to keep them around in our life simply out of respect for what we had.

2) But what I think it really boils down to is the fact that it’s simply too hard for us to let go of someone that was once one of the most important people in our lives.

Just the thought of living your life without them creates this feeling of emptiness inside of you and some people have a hard time even imagining what their life would be like without their ex. And because cutting them out of our lives completely is such a drastic change, we keep them around to make things easier on us.

But unfortunately, we don’t realize that it actually does the complete opposite, which is why I’ve made an effort to hammer down on all the dangers of staying friends after a break up. Most people who try to be friends with their ex are often unaware of all the unnecessary complications involved in staying friends after a break up and don’t really realize what they’re getting themselves into.

My goal here was to give you a glimpse of all the different things that tend to happen when you try to be friends with someone you’re still in love with… after they’ve moved on. So please save yourself from all this pain and suffering and make a commitment to cut your ex out of your life for the next 30 days. It’s going to be hard at first but eventually you’re going to realize that life goes on and it’s really not the end of the end of the world, though I’m sure it probably feels like it right now.

How To Get Over Being Dumped – 5 Ways To Deal With Getting Dumped

If you’re looking for advice on how to get over being dumped right now then you must be in a terrible place. Dealing with the pain after a break up can be downright unbearable, especially if you’re the one that got dumped. I know because I’ve personally been there myself several times and I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. So I decided to write an article that shares…

The 5 Most Important Tips for How To Get Over Being Dumped

how-to-get-over-your-ex-gStudies have shown that woman are far more likely to end a relationship than men so I’m going to start this article off from a guy’s perspective. However, I’m also going to include some
break up advice for women later on too so don’t worry.

Do you want your ex back or do you want who they used to be back?

This is a really important question to ask yourself because they will never be the sweet guy or girl that you first met. They will always be the one that dumped you and broke your heart (and perhaps even did some other things too). Can you accept this? Can you truly live with it long term? Will you be able to trust them again? If they come home at 3 am will you be worried?

I hate to be cliché but there are plenty of fish in the sea and you can be just as happy with someone else (and they won’t come with all this baggage).

1. Accept that it’s over 

Regardless of whether you want to get back together with your ex or move on, the first thing you need to do is accept that the relationship is over. This is hard to do because it often seems like a surprise but I assure you it’s not. At least not in your ex. Truth is, they’ve probably been thinking about breaking up with you for quite some time now, they just may have never mentioned it you. However, they were probably working it out in private and talking to all their friends about it.

2. Don’t try to get them back

The point here is that it’s over and you need to start acting like it. Don’t try to get your ex back, it will only push them away even further. It’s not attractive to have someone begging you to take them back. Just imagine that you met someone out at a party for the first time and they were feeling really sad and said “please go out with me.” Not a very compelling offer, huh?

3. Be strong and have a positive attitude

Once you stop single-mindedly obsessing about ways to get your ex back, you can start acting like yourself again. Go to the gym, hang out with friends, pick up a new hobby, etc. It doesn’t really matter what you do as long as you get off your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself. I know it’s not easy and there will be times where you want to cry in your room all by yourself, that’s fine, give yourself the permission to do that. However, after you’re done grieving, get back to focusing on your own life.  Be strong and have a positive attitude. Realize that you’re a great catch and any man or woman would be lucky to have you.

4. Do NOT talk or hang out with your ex

Seeing them or talking to them will only give you more reasons to miss them and want to get back together. Or even worse, it’ll make you jealous because they’re with someone else, or are interested in someone else besides you. What’ll make you even more miserable though is seeing that they’re perfectly happy without you while you feel like your heart just got torn out of your chest and stomped on. The best way to avoid all these things is to avoid your ex. Maybe someday you can be friends again but not until you’re completely over them.

5. Think about all the things that went WRONG

No, don’t tell me that your relationship was perfect. It wasn’t. Maybe she yelled at you for checking out some girl when you weren’t and wouldn’t believe you. Maybe he kept telling you about how great the sex was with his ex. Now, realize that these are things that you don’t necessarily have to forgive just because you love them. Get in touch with how you really feel about them and allow yourself to actually get mad about it. You shouldn’t have had to put up with any of that shit. You deserve better. And now that they’re gone, you finally have the opportunity to find someone better.

Now go out there and get what you’re worth!

How to Get Over an Ex – Dealing with Anger after a Breakup

If you’re going through a bad break up and looking for advice on how to get over an ex, watch the video below to learn the #1 secret to getting over an ex.

Did you have any insights on how to get over an ex after watching this video?

Please share your thoughts and leave me a comment below.

 

How to Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend – Learn Why Most Guys FAIL to Get Over an Ex Girlfriend

So you got dumped and you’re looking for advice on how to get over your ex girlfriend?

There’s probably a part of you that feels shocked and confused right now. You might still be wondering what happened. Maybe you’ve already tried to figure out why she broke up with you but all she said was vague stuff about how she needs some “space” and how she just wants to be by herself right now.

And I’m sure you felt a really strong urge to try to get her back when she first broke the news to you. As guys, we usually try really hard to talk her out of it. We promise to change, we apologize, we explain, we rationalize, we justify, we beg, we plead, we cry… and the list can go on and on.

The truth is, we’ll do just about ANYTHING we can to try to change the situation.

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What Most Guys Forget When
Trying to Get Over an Ex Girlfriend

You CANNOT Convince a Woman to FEEL Differently with “Logic” and “Reasoning”
Emotions Do NOT Operate Under the Laws of Logic!

 

That means there’s no way for you to override what she’s feeling with logic and reasoning. It’s like putting foreign currency into a vending machine and expecting your drink to come out. It won’t work.

So why do we act like we can change her mind if we just find the right thing to say?

Because we forget that women are EMOTIONAL creatures.

When our girlfriend tells us that she wants to break up with us, we almost always demand an explanation. We feel a very strong urge to figure out her “reason” for leaving. We tend to think that if we can just manage to understand why she’s breaking up with us, we can convince her to stay. As if it’s just some little misunderstanding that we can clear up and then everything will be okay. Well unfortunately that’s not how it works.

What You Need to Realize if You Truly
Want to Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend

If she felt strongly enough to actually want to end the relationship, it’s probably not just because of a couple fights or disagreements you guys had. It’s probably something serious, and most likely, one of the bigger problems in your relationship. Unfortunately, the big problems aren’t something that you could just explain away in a conversation.

However, we often don’t realize this and get too caught up trying to explain and defend ourselves. When she tells us her reason for leaving, we argue against it as if we can somehow disprove it. Now I know it’s tempting to think that you can just logically combat her reasons until she decides not to leave, but unfortunately, it rarely works that way.

Even if you manage to explain your way out of the original reason she gave you, she’ll quickly find another one. That’s because her reason for breaking up with you isn’t just one thing, it’s usually anaccumulation of reasons that she can’t express very well.

In fact, even calling it an accumulation of reasons is actually a misnomer because she’s notbreaking up with you for any particular reason… she’s breaking up with you based on an EMOTION. In other words, she feels differently about you and that’s what’s making her want to leave.

Why Her Reason for Leaving Doesn’t Make Sense

Because her decision to break up with you is an EMOTIONAL decision, the LOGICAL reasons she gives you won’t make all that much sense. In fact, they may even contradict themselves. She might say things like, “I wasn’t really looking for a relationship” or “I just want to be by myself right now”

Often times, the reasons that women give us don’t make sense and we spend weeks and months, reading into what she said and trying to figure out her real reason for leaving.

This was probably the biggest challenges I had when I was trying to get over her. I spent so many nights playing “connect the dots” in my head trying to figure out why she broke up with me.

I thought that if I could just figure out her reason, I could convince her to take me back by acknowledging my mistakes and providing a flawless explanation that demonstrated my understanding of the problem, followed by an apology and a sincere promise that things
will be different.

And although it actually did help me get her back a couple times, it never really lasted. We’d patch things up and everything would be great for a while but after 2-3 weeks, some little thing would come up again and then we were back on the verge of breaking up all over again.

And there I was, demanding another explanation, wanting to know her reason for breaking up with me. However, what I failed to realize is that every reason she gave me was just a symptom of the REAL problem.

What I Learned about Getting Over an Ex Girlfriend

She could stand there and point out each individual manifestation of the core issue and I could keep trying to remedy all the “symptoms” but it wouldn’t really make a difference in the long run because I wasn’t tackling the ROOT of the problem.

In fact, I didn’t even realize there was a “root” problem. I was convinced that the problems in our relationship were all of these little symptoms that she was describing. I thought that if I could just manage to resolve all the things she mentioned, everything would be okay.

But unfortunately, that was not the case. I could keep trying to treat each individual symptom but it wouldn’t make a difference unless I eliminated the root problem that was causing all of these symptoms to arise.

It’s kind of like trying to revive a dead tree by cutting off all the dead leaves. But cutting off the dead leaves isn’t going to make the new one’s grow healthy, it’s just going to cover up the fact the fact that the tree is dead. If you really want to revive it, you have to go to the root and fix it.

Well, this applies to relationships too. But a lot of the times, we don’t realize there’s actually a “root” problem behind all of the little problems. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying…

“Hindsight is 20/20”

Well, it’s often tough to see things as they really are without the clarity of hindsight.

You have to step back and create some distance between yourself and the situation in order to see things clearly. If you don’t, you’ll be too “caught up in the storm” to see past all the chaos and really get the big picture. There’s another great quote that says

“Life can only be understood backwards;
but it must be lived forwards.”
- Soren Kierkegaard

That’s the maddening irony of the situation. You have to learn to be okay with the lack of clarity for now and trust that as you begin to move on with your life, the reason for why it happened will begin to reveal itself to you. I know just how difficult this is from my own experience so I can definitely say that it’s MUCH easier said than done. However, as time passes, things will become much clearer.

The 3 Keys to Getting Over Your Ex Girlfriend

1. Stop thinking about your ex and trying to figure out her “reason” for leaving.

2. Realize that you can’t get over your ex-girlfriend and move on with your life
if you keep living in the past.

3. Remind yourself that everything happens for a reason and trust that the reason
for why it happened will reveal itself to you over time.

How to Get Over an Ex Boyfriend – Why Losing Hope is Your Only Hope

So you’re here because you’re looking for advice on how to get over an ex boyfriend?

Well, before you can get over him, you need to learn the #1 mistake that keeps most women from getting over an ex boyfriend.

how-to-get-over-your-ex-boyfriend

 

Over the past couple of years that I’ve been helping people get over an ex, one of the things that I’ve kept seeing over and over again is just how long a lot of us tend to hold on to the relationship, even after the break up.

The problem is that we all have an
idealistic vision of how things used to be.

We think back to how amazing everything was and how happy we were together. But unfortunately, many of us cling to this glorified image for too long and it actually ends up hurting us.

When we remember how great the relationship was in the beginning, a part of us wants to believe that one day we’ll be able to experience that “feeling” again. Even when the relationship is going downhill and you guys are constantly fighting and arguing, there’s a part of you that’s still holding on to the hope that maybe one day you guys will be able to get things back to the way that they were.

Now of course, a certain element of hope is necessary in order to make a relationship work. Problems and fights are inevitable and you can’t just throw your hands in the air and give up
at the first sign of struggle.

So hope is not the problem here, the problem is how we use hope.

See, we can use it to give ourselves the strength and courage we need to persist through the tough times and grow even closer together or we can use it to delude ourselves. One of the most common ways that we use hope to delude ourselves is by building up false hope.

You acknowledge that there are issues in your relationship, perhaps you even bring it up to your partner one day. They listen but nothing changes. Or maybe they don’t even listen at all and yet
you tell yourself that everything’s going to be fine. You try to convince yourself into thinking that the problems are just magically going to disappear on their own one day.

Months pass and you still find yourself bumping your head up against the same issues over and over again. And yet you still continue to hold on to the hope that things are going to change, even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

After a while, some people just lose hope altogether. It’s simply a defense mechanism that they develop in order to avoid the disappointment they feel when they try to work through their issues with their partner and end up getting nowhere.

Instead, they just start ignoring all the issues in the relationship. They sweep them under the rug and pretend that everything’s fine. They may even try to convince themselves that this is actually a good thing. They tell themselves they’re trying not to sweat the small stuff or let the “little things” ruin the relationship. They tell themselves that they’re being optimistic and looking at the bright side.

However, this isn’t optimism… it’s avoidance.

By avoiding all the things that bother them, what they essentially end up doing is “numbing” themselves. In order to avoid feeling all the negative unpleasant emotions, they just shut down completely. Sure, this may help you avoid feeling angry or disappointed but it also prevents you from feeling the joy, the love and the passion. However, at that point, there probably wasn’t even much of it left. In any case, you’re stuck feeling unhappy in the relationship and yet you continue to tolerate it because you’re too afraid to leave.

“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying;
the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.”
 
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Author of Eat, Pray, Love)

At some point, we finally muster up the courage to leave. But as we approach the edge, we get scared. We realize that we’re about to lose everything we have and we have a hard time imagining what our life is going to be like without them. And that’s when the games of rationalization and justification begin.

We tell ourselves that it’s not that bad, we try to convince ourselves that things are getting better. We look for evidence that things are improving. We go, “look he’s trying, he’s changing, it wouldn’t be fair to leave now.”

In other words, you do anything you can to try to cover up your dissatisfaction and you fool yourself into complacency. You cling to your trusty friend called hope and you begin telling yourself that things are going to get better.

But the truth is, you’re not fooling anyone. Deep down, you know you’re not happy. You know that it’s just a matter of time before you guys break up for good. But yet, you’re too scared to put an end to it yourself. It’s easier to just ride it out until it comes to an end on its own. In the meantime, you can try to convince yourself that things are improving. However, you can’t lie to yourself forever.

“Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.”
- Elizabeth Gilbert (Author of Eat, Pray, Love)

Being in a relationship that you know is not right for you is not only exhausting and emotionally draining but it’s also very frustrating. At times, it can feel like you’re trying to jam a square peg into a round hole. You get angry, frustrated and disappointed when it doesn’t fit and yet you keep trying, stubbornly holding onto the hope that one day it will.

However, at some point, you have to accept what’s been right in front of your eyes the whole time: that no matter how hard you try, the pieces won’t fit. There comes a time where you realize that you’re only hurting yourself even more by stubbornly holding on and trying to make fit.

Here’s a great quote that does a beautiful job of illustrating this concept and it says…

“Relationships are like glass…
sometimes it’s better to leave them broken
than to hurt yourself trying to put it back together.”

And the only thing I hate to see more than two people hurting themselves by trying to put things back together is when one person has clearly moved on… while the other person is still holding on.

In fact, last week I got an email from a woman who got dumped 3 years ago and she was still struggling to get over her ex-boyfriend. She said a part of her was still hoping that he’d come back to her someday. Now, waiting around for your ex for 3 years is a pretty extreme example but I get different variations of this email all the time.

See, if you truly want to get over your ex, you have to avoid having any hope of you two getting back together. The reason for this is because it’s going to be really hard for you to move on with your life when there’s a part of you that’s secretly thinking about getting back together.

A Sneaky “Trick” that Your Mind Plays on You…

See, sometimes your mind can trick you into thinking that you’ve truly accepted the loss and yet it still keeps the possibility of you two getting back together open for “sometime in the future.”

You know, it’s that voice that creeps up and says, “maybe what we really need is just some time apart. That way I can learn from my mistakes and he’ll learn from his and then we’ll get back together and it’ll be amazing again”

It’s that little inkling of hope coming up again. And while hope is a great thing to have in most cases; in this case, hope kills. In fact, carrying around the hope of you two getting back together is one of the most dangerous mistakes you can make after a break up.

It keeps you living in a constant state of inner conflict because a part of you will be like “okay, I’m done with them” while another part of you is still holding on to the hope of getting back together.

And what’s ultimately going to happen is you’re going to end up feeling stuck because you haven’t truly accepted that the relationship is over and you haven’t given yourself the opportunity to actually grieve the loss. By keeping the possibility of getting back together open, you’re not giving yourself the opportunity to truly move on with your life.

So if your break up was a bit ambiguous and there’s still an “open loop” – you need to finish the job and close it just to make sure that there’s no misunderstanding between you guys. Reach out to them and tell them that you respect their decision, even though it’s not an easy one for you to come to terms with. Make it clear that you’re moving on so that both of you know that what’s done is done and neither of you are secretly waiting around for one another.

This is what people like to call “closure”

Closure is absolutely essential if you want to get over your ex and move on with your life. So if you’re serious about getting over your ex boyfriend, you have to be fierce about keeping any thoughts of you two getting back together from entering your mind. Do whatever it takes to get yourself to accept that you two are done for good and nothing is ever going to change that.

One of the things that really helped me was repeating this simple little affirmation out loud to myself over and over again anytime I thought about the possibility of getting back together.

It’s over and he’s not coming back.
Not now and not sometime in the future.

His chapter in your life is done. Now it’s time for you to let go of the relationship once and for all so that you can finally get over your ex boyfriend and move on with your life.

Find Out If Your Relationship Will Make It Through The Tough Times…

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